HetaUnits
by AlaskaBraginskyJones
Summary: So, i bought Russia... I got North Italy...Sucky description, but good story!
1. Chapter 1

Anyway, Hello!~ This is NOT my idea. PLEASE. If you know the name of the person who created the 'Heta-Units' idea, tell me so I can credit them. I don't believe in taking credit for something that isn't yours. OK, here it is.

"Ugh…." I muttered, scrolling through many of the RoPru fanfictions. Suddenly, a pop-up ad appeared on my laptop's screen. "What the….HETALIA!" The little window was selling these things called 'Hetalia Units'. They were supposed to look like the countries from the anime. "…..North Italy, South Italy, Germany…Prussia…Austria, Hungary, Switzerland….." I continued the process until I got to Russia. "Maybe I'll get Russia and Prussia…. Berlin wall related yaoi…." So, I decided to buy Russia, and then in a few months, buy Prussia. Boy, I should have thought twice before I clicked the 'Buy' button….


	2. Chapter 2

Okay!~ Two chapters in one day!~ Got bored in class and did these both today~ So, Enjoy!~

_Ding-Dong_

"Go. Away."

_Ding-Dong_

"…Damn alarm clock…."

_Ding-Dong_

"Oh, it's the door…."

I slowly got dressed and started walking towards my front door. I was met by a man with a clipboard and a huge box with what looked like a book on top.

"Order for…. Carrie Dawson?"

"That's me~"

I signed off for the box and it was soon inside my living room. That's when I looked at the manual.

"…Italy Veneziano..? I ordered Russia, not North Italy….."

"Not my problem… Contact the manufacturer; I'm just the person who delivers the units."

"Okay! ~"

"Just….Don't open the box…."

"Uh...Sure. I can do that."

I then closed my door, locked it and looked at my wall clock.

"Three o'clock already?"

I walked to my kitchen to make some pasta for lunch.


	3. Chapter 3

"So…" I said to myself, getting some spaghetti, pasta sauce and a pot from my cupboards. I quickly began to fill the pot up half-way with water and set it on the stove. I, in turn, set the temperature on high and sat down waiting for the water to boil. At that time, I began eyeing the user manual.

Name: Feliciano Vargas

Like I didn't know _that._

I skipped past the 'Place of manufacture' and stuff like that.

**Your FELICIANO VARGAS unit comes with the following: **

Two (2) blue military outfits

One (1) sailor outfit

One (1) Pasta-Preparing Kit

Three (3) white flags

"Okay….Don't need to know that…."

**Programming**

Your FELICIANO VARGAS comes with the following traits:

Stripper: Your unit has to shame in showing his body off, and - as he is just so beautiful - he will rake in cash, guaranteed!

Distraction: In need of something to distract the loan sharks after you? Just kick your FELICIANO VARGAS unit outside, and watch the magic happen as those collectors vanish!

Baby Sitter: Kids seem to love FELICIANO VARGAS, and will trust him quite completely despite his hyperactivity. While he does not seem too responsible, he does have a love of children that makes him perfect material to take care of them. Your only worry is if your kids will turn out like him!

_A stripper, distraction, and a baby-sitter? Really?_

**Removal of your FELICIANO VARGAS Unit from Packaging**

Your unit is a wonderfully amiable one, and it is quite hard to wake him in a way that will make him hate you. To avoid streams of tears soaking into your carpet, however, we have enclosed the following list of fail-safe ways to turn on your unit.

1. Cook a plate of pasta and set it next to the box. If you are worried that you will burn the pasta, simply drag your box into the kitchen and start boiling water. Your unit will start trying to punch his way out, but have no fear - he will stop within the second and start crying that the box is very hard. It is safe to undo the top; he will jump into your arms if you are male, and hug you tightly if you are female, in thanks for saving him from "the scary box"; when he lets go, you can reprogram him if desired.

2. Bring in either a LUDWIG KALTHERZIG, LOVINO VARGAS, or AUGUSTUS VARGAS unit, and have them call your FELICIANO VARGAS unit's name loud enough to hear across the street. Though he will have a positive reaction to the last choice, your unit will shake in fear at the last two - but he's cute when he's scared, so that's okay. When he calms down, you can reprogram him.

3. Open the box and tug his curl. He will jerk up and start shaking, at which time you can reprogram him. Be warned, nearby LOVINO VARGAS units might come barging in and threatening to kill you for violating their brother.

_Well, I'll probably do the first one….._

**Reprogramming**

After the successful removal of your FELICIANO VARGAS from his box, you have the option to reprogram him to a different personality, any of those listed below.

_Adorable (default)_

_Flustered_

_Melancholic_

_Horny_

_Flipped_

_Sadistic (locked)_

_Okay, I'm just gonna leave him in the 'Default' setting….. I may end up keeping him…_

The boiling of the water snapped me out of my thoughts.


End file.
